Fear, Shame, and Jealousy…all incredibly destructive emotions!

So..I lost the first 5 pounds.. no one seemed to notice.. I was jumping up and down and so happy to be 5 pounds down!… Well they say that it can take anywhere from 10-20 pounds before anyone notices… WHAT?! you may say… I am doing ALL this hard work and I have another 10-15 pounds before anyone will notice?!

Let me tell you the most frustrating and emotional part of this journey… The lack of support… I am not trying to bash my friends or family at all so if you are reading this you might as well stop because I know all of you take things wayyyy too seriously.. but you know… you weren’t there for me!

As I began this journey at first it was because I had 10 months before my wedding…but within the first WEEK of working out and eating better I knew this journey was going to become so much more than that! I wanted to be healthy for me! The first 22 years of my life I was never really taught what healthy eating is…never were family dinners planned, new foods tried..nothing. I do not blame anyone in my family…we were all always busy. And as an adult I should have know that what I was doing was not healthy… a trip to the grocery store buying mac and cheese and pizzas and sodas was not good…but its what I was used to. Eating out as a kid and throughout my young life always for some reason gave me pleasure… I think it was because when my family went out to eat it was the only time we were all at a table together talking and enjoying food. So of course eating out released emotions for me…positive emotions. When I first started dating Alex I always wanted special date nights and he was the first person to show me that cooking dinner for me was so much sexier than going out to eat. One of the first meals Alex made me was a rotisserie chicken.. it was the best meal ever! The past 2 years is the first time in 24 years I have slowly been eating veggies, new fruits, new meats and just new things in general.

Now.. I have lost 20 pounds…people are finally noticing! They are finally proud of all the hard work I am doing…and I get asked “well when are you going to stop?” my face probably looked crazy! at 20 pounds down I was still 185 lbs! Why would I stop? my original goal was to get to 150! People were CRAZY! I was not going to stop now! I felt as if no one truly wanted me to succeed except maybe 4 people, shoutouts! Alex, Breanna, Krystal and Aly.

Here I am 73 lbs lighter than when I started in October…and I am at a loss… a complete loss! I feel like I have no support, that people are judging everything I eat… I am purposefully not being invited some where because they said and i quote.. “I didn’t think you would eat out with us because you can’t afford the calories” 😡 IMG_1144 It truly was so heart breaking to know I was not invited out purely based on the fact I was watching what foods I ate.

Then the lowest of lows happens… I have never been so upset. I came home and Alex asked me “Guess who is texting me” and by his tone I knew it wasn’t going to be good…

IMG_1014 IMG_1015

Now instead of coming to me about me looking so unhealthy…why did they find it necessary to go to my fiance?… *le sigh* So I was the bigger person and I am choosing to ignore it… why?  A person’s weight loss journey is their journey and they need NO one’s negative energy if they are just trying to be healthy….I think a huge deal is change is hard…my family has always known me to be chubby, overweight and not caring about what i eat! certainly not veggies… so for now I plan to ignore the negativity and focus on all the positive things going on in my life!

Positives:

  1. I feel amazing!
  2. I look amazing!
  3. I have more energy!
  4. I care about what goes into my body
  5. I can lift more than ever before
  6. I can run without panting and dying
  7. I am happy.

Today I was blessed to be surrounded by friends who have encouraged me to keep going, who have helped me see how far I have come..and who accept me the way i am today. I was so happy!

may 25 beach

may 25 beach 3

i mean check out that leg definition!

i mean check out that leg definition!

leg progress

Peace out y’all!

Remember to do this journey for you! and to be healthy and keep going! ❤

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2 thoughts on “Fear, Shame, and Jealousy…all incredibly destructive emotions!

  1. slowmotionsmile says:

    I am always so shocked when people are so negative instead of being supportive! And come on, have they seen your strong legs? It’s nonsense what they’re saying! Just keep going and believe me, sooner or later when they’ll start to feel bad about their lifestyles, they will realize you’re the one doing it right! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • schaeffermgrierson says:

      thank you so much. its seriously been such an amazing journey for me but the days i receive negativity just makes me so upset!!!! im working so hard to be HEALTHY not unhealthy! which they see it as im becoming unhealthy!

      Like

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